


Sapphire Sky

by AcidBlossom



Category: Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot Collection, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 22:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8916076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcidBlossom/pseuds/AcidBlossom
Summary: An ongoing collection of Juliandy one shots.





	1. His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This one is the only one so far that was written specifically for this little project. The others I'll be posting for a while were written for another reason or another, posted exclusively to Tumblr, and are gonna be included in this collection since it'd feel useless to post them by themselves since they're all only 500-2,000 words. After they're out of the way I'll start writing one shots specifically for this and also be taking requests (not right now though; sometime between late January and early March, I will).  
> Any explicitly NSFW content will be exclusive to AO3 and Tumblr.  
> Enjoy.

"Randall?"

Randy adjusted his position to make eye contact with Julian. "Yeah, babe?"

His goth boyfriend was looking up at him with a gaze full of innocence and curiosity. "What is your favorite part about me?" he asked, his voice soft, his tone showing some hesitance.

Randy was a little confused by this. The two of them were just having some casual cuddling, on his beanbag, a less than ideal place yet it was somehow pretty comfortable. It had been mostly silent until this question came from left field.

"All of you," he replied simply, and he was being sincere.

Julian looked unconvinced. "But if you _had_ to choose, what physical trait would you trait would you pick?"

_Oh, cheese_. Randy had no idea how to answer; how could he possibly pick? Every part of Julian, inside and out, was beautiful.

He looked into his eyes, searching for an answer.

_His eyes_.

In those eyes he saw an unending, cloudless sky. Clear and peaceful. Those eyes showed everything Julian truly was. His dark clothes and odd accessories may showed his rather grim interests, but his eyes showed what he really was; full of innocence and happiness. They were an open window into his soul. Just looking at them made Randy's heart pound.

"Your eyes," he blurted out.

"Why's that?"

"Uh…" He tried to put everything he just thought into words. "They're- They're the same color as the sky. Except prettier." He felt his cheeks heat up. It would be impossible for him to put that even less eloquently than that.

But Julian smiled and ran a hand through Randy's hair. "Well, I must say, it is hard for me to choose for you, but I'll settle on your eyes as well. They are the same shade of blue as sapphires, but they shine even brighter."

Randy had never seen a sapphire in his life and probably never would, but he took Julian's word for it.

He cupped his boyfriend's face in his hands. "You know, I'm always gonna love you no matter what you look like, right?"

Julian blushed. "I know. I can say the same for you." He leaned in closer.

Their lips met in a soft, chaste kiss. It was tame, yet it contained just as much affection as the most passionate of kisses. They pulled apart slowly, smiling as they gazed into each other's eyes.

"Y'know, your lips are pretty nice too," Randy purred.

Julian giggled adorably, burying his face into the crook of Randy's neck. Randy held him tightly, sighing with content.


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally written for Ninjavember Day 3. Even five years after what happened in ninth grade, Randy and Julian still have nightmares.

It was about two in the morning, and Randy could hear to the sound of ruffling sheets.

He didn't react right away. It could have been a false alarm; maybe Julian was just restless tonight. It had happened before. Randy decided to dismiss it for now; he wouldn't want to wake up his boyfriend for no real reason.

Then he heard the sound that had always alarmed him; the whimpering.

He sat up and turned on the lamp on the bedside table to the lowest setting. The dim light gave him a better view of his boyfriend, frantically tossing and turning as he made small, distressed groans.

Randy lightly grasped Julian's shoulder and shook him gently. "Julian, wake up," he said softly. "C'mon, babe, you need to wake up. It's just a dream."

It took a moment, but soon Julian's eyes shot open as he gasped shakily. He sprung up and started looking around the dark room in a panic.

"T-Tyler!" he cried out. "Tyler, where are you?!" His hands patted every bit of the bed he could reach, searching for the texture of his floating rock, thrown off by the feeling of soft fabric.

"Julian! Jewel, look at me!" Randy desperately grabbed a hold of him by the shoulders and tried to hold him steady. "You're not there anymore; you're here with me. You're okay. It's okay now."

Julian trembled as he fully came to his senses. "R-Randall?"

Randy nodded.

"I…Was it a dream?"

"Yeah, it was." He pulled his lover into a tight, protective embrace.

Julian sighed, nuzzling against his boyfriend's shoulder. "I am so sorry about the disturbance. It just…It felt so real…"

"Shh, it's okay, Jewel. I understand." Randy ran his fingers through Julian's hair, which had been grown out significantly since ninth grade.

A lot had changed in the five years since that time, when Randy put all of his effort in defending Norrisville High from the Sorcerer and McFist, and when Julian was trapped in the Land of Shadows. That span of time was the most eventful for them both, as well as the most traumatic.

To this day, Julian refused to give a full story of what exactly he experienced in the Land of Shadows. Randy didn't mind that at all; the mere concept of spending months of isolation in a dimension where the Sorceress and other fearsome creatures dwelled was enough to understand why he was having frequent nightmares.

"Randall?"

"Yeah?"

"Did I scream at all?"

"No." Randy was grateful that he managed to wake his boyfriend up before the nightmare progressed to the stage where he started screaming or crying. Randy hated seeing him in that state, and he wanted to prevent it any way he could.

"So I suppose that means you were already awake when you realized I was in distress?"

"Uh…" Randy pulled away, shifting back to his side of the bed. "Okay, yeah, I was. But…But…"

Julian looked worried. "Randall…"

"Y'know, we should get to sleep already. We both got classes tomorrow and-"

" _Randall_. Did you have a nightmare too?"

Randy was caught off guard. He had found himself plagued by nightmares too; typically, they took the form of unpleasant memories of his past struggles. But the absolute worst dreams were about people dying because he couldn't Destank a monster or defeat a robot in time; it was an occurrence that thankfully never happened but he always dreaded. Those were the nights he found _himself_ waking up screaming or crying, needing Julian to comfort him.

Randy looked away from him. "Y-Yeah, but it wasn't _that_ bad this time; the way I reacted didn't even wake you up. I'll probably forget all about by morning."

"But you're still wide awake from it."

"Look, I really don't want to talk about it. I don't even have a _right_ to talk about it; anything that happened to me while I was the Ninja is literally nothing compared to what you went through."

Julian sighed heavily. "Randall, I have said this before and I will say it again; the severity of our traumas is irrelevant now. Your experience is just as valid as mine."

"But you literally went through Hell."

"Being charged with the responsibility of protecting hundreds of lives alone sounds like Hell. Especially when Howard's utter lack of support is taken into account."

Randy tensed up. He looked down at the wrinkled sheets. "Yeah, I guess it does."

Julian lay down on the bed, his arms open. "Come here, love."

Randy looked at him for a second before laying with him and taking him up on his offer. He let him peck him on the lips and hold him close. He buried his face in the crook of his neck; he didn't like the fact that the one who just had a nightmare was doing the comforting right now, but he still relished in the affection.

"You deserved so much better," Julian whispered, tracing meaningless patterns on Randy's back.

"So did you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They were silent after that, laying still, swaddled in each other's warmth. They found sleep soon enough, and they slumbered peacefully until dawn's light kissed them awake.

They both knew there would be more bad dreams in the future, but they accepted it. Deep scars remained from what the suffered from years ago, and it was likely that they would never fade, but that was okay. They understood each other's suffering, and as long as they stayed together as they healed, everything would be okay.


	3. Playing Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally written for Ninjavember Day 5: Childhood. Six year old Randy has to spend a whole day at daycare by himself while Howard is away. At least, until someone decides to keep him company.

Randy decided that he was absolutely not going to daycare on Friday.

He hadn't been more determined about anything in the six years of his life.

Howard would be out of town, visiting his uncle. Randy was devastated when he heard this news. A whole day without Howard? That would be torture! He didn't have any other friends; nobody else would want to play with him. He'd be lonely and it would be the worst day ever.

"Can't I just go to Grandma's house tomorrow?" he begged his parents on Thursday evening. "She takes good care of me."

"Well…I guess there isn't anything wrong with that," his father pondered.

"I'm not mooching off my mother more than I already have!" his mother snapped at her husband. She took a deep breath, looking back down at her son with kind eyes. "Sweetie, Grandma babysat you a lot when you were little and we were starting grownup school. It isn't right to keep going to her, especially when we don't really need it."

"Yes we do!" Randy exclaimed. "You're still in school!"

"And that's why you go to daycare now when you're not in school." His mother's tone was stricter now. "Randy, you're going to be in first grade in two weeks; first grade is for big kids, and you're not acting like a big kid right now. This is the time to prepare for things like this. You may not have Howard in all your classes, and there may be days when he's absent."

"Yeah, and you can still have fun without him. It's not like he's the only kid who's ever there," his father said.

"He may as well be," Randy sighed. He looked down on the floor. "Nobody wants to be my friend…"

His parents' eyes widened when he said that. They looked at each other, looking worried and confused. They must have realized he never talked about any of other kids at daycare; whenever they ask him how his day was, he would only tell them about the things he and Howard did together, because none of the other kids ever interacted with them.

"Well, maybe that's because you only play with Howard all the time," his mother said softly. "Tomorrow, you can ask someone else to play with you."

"But everyone else already has friends they always play with."

"Well, the more the merrier," his father said, smiling. "Just give it a shot, Rand. Who knows; by the end of the day, you may even have a brand new friend. Just trust us on this, okay?"

Randy didn't believe any of those words, but he nodded. "Okay."

~XXX~

"Hey," Randy said, going for a last ditch effort to get out of this, "maybe you can take me to your school! I can be super ready for first grade!"

Both of his parents chuckled. "Rand, grad school is a whole different world from grade school," his father said.

Randy didn't understand what that meant, but he knew it essentially meant no. He stared out the window for the rest of the car ride, pouting.

After a few minutes, Randy was dropped off in front of Ms. Marci's Daycare. His mother loudly honked the horn and both of his parents called to him "Have fun today!" as they drove off. Randy sighed heavily; there was no turning back now.

Ms. Marci walked up to him, smiling brightly at him. "Hello there, Randy. Your mommy and daddy already called me and told me about what's happening. I know today will be tough without Howard here, so if you need anything at all, just come talk to me. Okay?"

Randy sighed. "Yes, Miss Marci." He walked away from her solemnly towards the playground.

He looked around at all the equipment. Bucky, Stevens, and Flute Girl were playing in the sandbox. Bash was chasing Doug with a stick. Randy was immediately disheartened; it looked like all the kids here today already had a playmate.

But then he looked at the swing set and saw there was one more kid; Julian. He was swinging really high up, the sleeves and tails of his oversized coat looking like small wings. His hat, which was nearly as big as him, somehow managed to stay on the whole time.

Julian had three friends that he always played with, but they hadn't been at daycare in the last few days; they were probably on vacation or something. Randy thought, maybe Julian was lonely today too. Maybe he would want to play with him! Randy had always thought of Julian as weird and generally kept his distance from him, but today, he was desperate for companionship. And if it had to be from the boy who liked creepy things, then so be it.

He rushed to the swings and stopped at a spot close to the boy. "Hi, Julian," he said with a little hesitation.

It took a second for Julian to respond. He stopped his swinging, planting his feet in the dirt. He turned to Randy and gave him a big toothy smile. "Hello, Randall! Did you see how high I was?"

Randy cringed a little; he didn't like being called Randall. He knew it was technically his real name, but it sounded too fancy to him. "Yeah, I did."

"I was flying! Just like a bat!"

"Well…I guess you were."

"I really was!" Julian jumped off the swing and flapped his arms. "When I grow up, I want to be a vampire! That way, I can be a bat whenever I want!"

Randy squinted. "Vampires aren't real. You can't be a vampire."

"Yes, I can!" Julian's mood didn't seem to be dampened at all by those words. "Mama and Papa say I can be anything I want to be, and I want to be a vampire! But I also want to be a magician. I like magic just as much as I like bats"

"Maybe you can be a magician vampire," Randy suggested.

Julian's eyes lit up and he smiled even wider. "Yes! Yes, I can!"

Randy couldn't help but grin; the excitement was contagious. "And if you can be a magician vampire, then I can be the Ninja!"

"Yes, you can!" Julian jumped excitedly. "And I can help you with my magic and vampire powers!"

"Okay!"

For the rest of playtime, the two boys pretended to be the Ninja and his magician vampire sidekick, turning scary monsters back into high schoolers. Randy found himself enjoying it immensely; it was a lot more fun than playing Ninja games with Howard, in which they'd just beat each other up. Playing pretend with Julian got his imagination turning, and for the first time, he truly felt like he was the Ninja.

After a while, it was snack time. Julian brought peanut butter cookies and shared them with Randy. In return, Randy shared the grapes his mother had packed for him. It was the first time he had truly shared a snack; before now, "sharing" meant letting Howard have all of the food.

After snack, the boys played for a little while longer. Soon enough, however, Ms. Marci came and told Randy that his parents were here. Randy was disappointed; he wanted to keep playing with his magician vampire.

Right before Randy left, he was nearly knocked to the ground as Julian gave him a big hug. It was a tight embrace, and Julian nuzzled his face against Randy's. Randy was frozen for a moment; his face felt warm and his heart started racing. Howard had hugged him in the past, but not nearly as intimately. To be hugged like this, especially by someone that he had such a good time with, made him feel good inside.

"Let's play again next time, okay?" Julian asked as he pulled away.

Randy nodded. "Okay." He waved to him as Ms. Marci took him by the hand and led him to his parents' car.

On the whole ride home, Randy told his parents all about the fun he had with Julian, grinning the whole time. His parents looked very happy when they saw that he had a good day, and Randy was happy too. It had been the best day ever.

~XXX~

When Randy arrived at daycare on Monday, the first thing he did was head straight for the swing set to meet Julian. He had been excited all weekend long to come back and play pretend again. He thought about other things he and Julian could pretend to be, and it would be best.

Julian got off his swing and scurried towards him, a big smile on his face. Randy was happy to see him, and was even more happy to get another hug. He found himself feeling things he never felt around Howard or anyone else. He didn't know how to describe it, but he knew that he liked it, and he liked being around Julian.

The two were ready to begin their adventure, and started to heard towards their first "monster," only to find someone blocking their path.

It was Howard. His arms were crossed and he was scowling.

"Hi, Howard!" Randy exclaimed, even more excited now; he didn't even register the negative expression on his face. It was the first time he had seen him since he departed. Now he got to play with two friends! "Wanna play with us?"

Howard raised a brow. "Us? Who's us?"

Randy cocked his head, slightly confused. "Me and Julian."

"No," Howard snapped, grabbing Randy's wrist and starting to pull him away. Despite his tiny hands, he had a tight grip. "C'mon, Cunningham."

Randy tried to hold his ground. He looked at Julian, who seemed to be just as confused as him, and then back at Howard. "But what about Julian? He's fun to play with!"

"I don't care, I don't want you shoobing around with this creep."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so. Now, move!"

Randy was still confused as he got dragged away. He looked back at Julian, and he looked sad. Randy didn't like seeing that; he wanted to go back to him and play with him. He couldn't understand why Howard wouldn't let that happen.

Once Howard had dragged him to the seesaw, he forced his hand out of his grip. "What was that? I can't just leave him; he's my friend!"

Howard scoffed. "Julian? Your friend? Since when?"

"Since Friday."

"Cunningham, you two were just being each other's backup friends. That doesn't mean he wants to be your real friend, I know deep down you don't really want to be his either. You got me and Julian has those other creeps."

"But…But…"

"Cunningham, turn around."

Randy turned and saw.

One of Julian's friends, Theresa, was there. The two were sitting next to each other on the swings, talking excitedly to each other with smiles on their faces.

"See, Cunningham?" Howard said triumphantly. "He's not your friend; he just wanted someone to shoob around with until his weirdo friends came back. And even if he really wanted to be your friend, do you really think he'd be able to put up with your cheese? I'm your friend. I'm the only one who can put up with you. I'm the one you're always going to stick by. Am I right?"

Randy stayed silent for a moment before answering, "Yeah, you're right."

The day went on like any other, with Randy and Howard playing their usual games and Howard eating both of their snacks. Randy had thought he would have been happy to get back into the routine, but he couldn't shake the sadness off. Maybe it will be gone tomorrow, he hoped.

Time flew by and soon enough, it was time to go home. Randy found himself eager to leave, and he wasn't quite sure why. He felt a wave of relief when he was on the road with his parents, away from both Howard and Julian.

"How was it today, Rand?" his father asked. "Did you and Julian play again?"

Randy shook his head. "No. Howard says I can't anymore."

"Wait," his mother said, sounding concerned. "What do you mean? Why can't you?"

Randy shrugged. "Howard just said so."

"And you're going to listen to him?"

"Yeah, I have to. He's my best friend. It doesn't matter, Julian has other friends."

His parents remained silent, glancing at each other worriedly.

Randy stared out the window for the rest of the car ride. He needed to listen to Howard and do what he said; there was no point in trying to befriend people who wanted nothing to do with him. He wished he could play with Julian again, but he should have known from the start that he wouldn't have wanted to be his friend.

It was fun to pretend, though.


	4. Character Traits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally written for Ninjavember Day 9: Julian. Randy has been avoiding Julian like the plague ever since the Sorcerer’s defeat. Now that they’re partnered up on an English assignment, he has no choice but to face him.

Things got both easier and harder when tenth grade began.

It was easier in that the Sorcerer was gone, meaning Stank was no longer an issue and McFist would keep his distance.

But what made it harder was that the lasting damage of all that happened in ninth grade remained.

Randy hadn't realized how much the guilt would gnaw at him. It was in the back of his mind since the day he discovered Evil Julian's existence, but he ignored it then. It was much less of a priority than protecting the remaining power balls, fighting his two main adversaries, and keeping Howard pleased.

But then he got a taste of what being trapped the Land of Shadows was like, how awful and disgusting it was there. Then he wondered what had it been like for Julian, spending months there alone with only Tyler as a companion. Then Julian was absent for the majority of the remaining school year; rumors said he had been struggling with mental health issues since he resurfaced from his mysterious disappearance. Randy realized Julian's behavior in the Land of Shadows could have been a façade. Or maybe he had gone insane after months of isolation, viewing his traumatic situation as positive. He seemed fine when the new school year began, but Randy kept finding himself thinking about what damage could have happened. All he knew for sure was that no matter what had happened, it was his fault.

Not only did he enable everything happening by ditching Julian in Snow-Klahoma, he was also the reason it even started, thanks to him bringing the Power Ball to Julian's birthday party. He wasn't even sure why he went to the party in first place, since the only result was ruining it and creating an otherwise avoidable conflict.

Then he found himself thinking back to all of the other times he messed up during the last school year. He hadn't realized just how many times he had nearly got himself, Howard, and innocent bystanders killed before. There had been casualties from Ninja battles in previous years, and he had no idea how he escaped being the hero that let somebody die. It was scary to think about, and every time he laid eyes on Julian now, the thoughts consumed his mind. It filled him with anxiety and emotions he didn't want to feel, and he hated every bit of it.

He didn't want to deal with any of it anymore. So this year, he made the resolution to do his best in staying as far away from the goth as possible.

Thankfully, Randy only shared on class with Julian, and that was English.

The class was much harder than it was in freshmen year right off the bat. Unlike Mr. Bannister, Ms. Flores gave assignments that had intricate requirements to be met in order to get an A, and each one was graded thoroughly. She was much kinder and more understanding than him, though, so the class was also more pleasant to some degree.

On the second Monday of October, the class began their unit on _Of Mice and Men_. On their desks, the students found a hefty stack of papers stapled together.

"Okay, chickadees," Ms. Flores began, "On your desk you will find a packet of fifty questions. This book is going to be a short one, so to make sure you get the fullest experience, you will be answering these questions as you read to ensure you'll be paying attention to all that happens in the plot. Now, to make it a little easier, you will be working on this assignment in pairs."

Randy and Howard glanced at each other and grinned.

"But," Ms. Flores continued on, "I made this special. I've assigned each of you to someone that you haven't been interaction with much over the course of this year. That way, it will be a completely fresh experience."

Randy glanced back at Howard, who was staring at the teacher with a blank expression. Randy was just as shocked; this was a situation they rarely had to face last year.

"The packets will be due on November 7th. After that, you will be doing your own individual essays. You'll find the prompts on the back page so you can start thinking about it. Now, speaking of essays, I've started grading the final drafts of your _Fahrenheit 451_ assignment, and it looks like we're going to have to review how to construct a thesis statement…"

Randy zoned out as the lecture began. He couldn't stop thinking, who could his partner be? Considering how little he interacted with the rest if his peers, the options amounted to basically anyone except Howard. All he knew for sure was that he absolutely did not want it to be Julian.

During the last five minutes of class, the class scurried to the list of assigned partners posted on the class bulletin board to see who they ended up with.

"What the juice?!" Howard exclaimed. "I'm stuck with Debbie Kang!"

Randy shrugged. "Well, at least it's an easy A then."

"But she's probably gonna make me do a bunch of it on my own to make it 'fair' or whatever."

"I think Debbie Kang cares more about her GPA more than your integrity. You'll be fine."

Howard sighed. "You better be right, Cunningham. So who did you get?"

Randy looked down the list for his name. He honestly didn't care who he got at this point, as long as it wasn't…

His body tensed up and his eyes widened. "Julian…"

" _Oh_." Howard looked surprised by that answer. "Well, that sucks."

Randy let out a loud groan. "Dang it…"

The bell rang just then, and everyone headed out into the hallway.

"Hey, if we were George and Lennie, which one would I be?" Howard asked when the two were at their lockers.

"I don't give a honk about that right now," Randy sighed. "I need to figure out what I'm gonna do about this."

"Well, what do you _think_ you're gonna do?"

"I dunno, man. I guess I'll just work on it on my own as much as I can and-"

"Randall!"

Randy nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned around and saw Julian standing there with an all too innocent smile.

"J-Julian!" Randy stammered, forcing a smile as his entire body shook. "What- What are you doing here?"

"I've come to cordially invite you to my house so we may begin work on our assignment," the goth said, seemingly unaffected by the situation's awkwardness. "Could you come over today?"

"Uh…Sure. Yeah, I can." Randy instantly regretted saying that, but he knew he couldn't take it back.

"Wonderful! Meet at the porch after school, okay?"

"O-Okay." Randy could feel dread filling him as Julian walked away.

It wasn't as if he could just skip the assignment; the semester was only halfway over and he was already close to failing this class. And he couldn't drag Julian's grade down with him, on top of everything he had already let happen to him.

It was a done deal; he couldn't avoid him anymore.

Howard put a hand on his shoulder. "Y'know, between the two of us, I'd say you're Lennie."

"Why?"

"Cause you're an idiot."

"I sure am."

~XXX~

Randy stayed a few steps behind Julian as they walked to his house together.

Even though he couldn't be away from Julian, he at least could have a small distance keeping him away. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep his bad thoughts at bay.

Julian's bedroom was decorated in all of the creepy and gothic things Randy was expecting to see. His parents were at work, so the two had the place to themselves. They sat on the bed, adorned with purple satin sheets, with their books and packets, as well as textbooks to use as a flat surface for writing.

"Ms. Flores says to aim for completing five questions a day," Julian took charge. "That sounds reasonable, yes?"

Randy shrugged.

"I actually have already read this book before, during my period at the preparatory school. It wouldn't hurt to refresh, though. Let's just read through the first chapter and do what we can."

Randy remained silent. He remembered seventh grade, the only year Julian wasn't in his class. He was moved to a private school, apparently to get away from bullies. He had already gone through so much, even before ninth grade. He came back the next year for whatever reason. These days, Randy's wished he was still gone.

Immediately, he couldn't concentrate on the words in front of him. He couldn't get invested; he didn't care about George or Lennie or the rabbits or any of that. He only cared about getting out of here as soon as possible so he wouldn't have to be near Julian.

Then he gave into temptation. He looked at Julian, watching him as he read quietly. His hat was set aside on a pillow. His hair had some loose stands but it was still neat for the most part. His sky blue eyes were focused on the pages. He seemed so content and tranquil.

He had gone through so much; he had been bullied his entire life just for being a bit eccentric, on top of the horrific trauma he had to face just mere months ago.

How could Randy ever let such awful things happen to someone like him?

No, what was he even thinking? He shouldn't have let any of that happen to _anyone_. Not even McFist would have deserved such a fate.

Then he remembered the times he genuinely considered killing McFist. He imagined having the blood of someone beloved by the whole town on his hands. McFist never really was evil; he never actually hurt anyone. How was he supposed to know the one person he was trying kill was a fourteen year old? How could Randy wish death onto him? It may have happened months ago, but he was still ashamed in himself.

He felt disgusting. He felt like a monster.

The words on the page started to blur together. His grip on the book began to quiver. He felt his stomach churning. His entire body felt like it was melting into a puddle of sweat.

"Randall? Randall!"

Randy suddenly found that the book was falling to the floor. Julian's hands were on his shoulders. He looked up at him, straight into his eyes. He looked worried.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Randy tried to speak, but then he realized he was hyperventilating. He tried to take some deep breaths. "I…I don't know…" he choked out hoarsely.

"I think you're having a panic attack."

Before he could get another word out, Randy found himself enveloped in a protective embrace. He trembled, confused and afraid. He wasn't sure what exactly he was afraid of, but he didn't understand why this was happening. Why was Julian being so compassionate towards him?

"Julian, I-"

"Shh, deep breaths. Just deep breaths. Don't think about it. It's going to be okay." The goth began to rub his back soothingly.

Randy wasn't sure if he felt better or worse now. The way Julian was touching him and how he seemed so collected was assuring to him. He seemed to understand this fully. But that was what made it worse at the same time; it was as if he had been in this same position in the past. What if he had panic attacks because of what happened in the Land of Shadows? Randy had no evidence of this, but the possibility was bad enough.

"Randall," Julian said softly, pulling away, "I need to be honest with you." He took one of his hands and began to rub soothing circles into the palm. "I…I know you're the Ninja."

Randy's heart skipped a beat. "How…How did you figure it out?"

"The fact that Howard was with you in the Land of Shadows. Not to mention you possessed the ball that caused so much trouble for us both."

If he hadn't been filled with exhaustion and stress, Randy would have let out an agitated groan. Those two things were such dead giveaways, he was almost ashamed for not seeing this coming. "You haven't told anyone else, have you?"

"No, of course not."

"So if you knew, why are you being so nice to me? Shouldn't you hate me?"

Julian smiled a little, leaning in so their foreheads were pressed together. "How could I possibly hate someone who has risked so much to protect everyone?"

"But I let it all happen to you. I brought the ball to your party. I ditched you at Snow-Klahoma."

"But you still got me out of there. You made everything right."

Randy couldn't comprehend the fact Julian was being so merciful towards him. He knew for a fact that if it had been Howard in the goth's place, there would be a lot of anger right now. He felt he didn't deserve any of this kindness. "Look, Julian, I…I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. About everything."

"I forgive you, Randall. I was never upset with you."

Randy didn't believe those words, and Julian seemed to recognize that. For that, Randy got a peck on the cheek and another embrace.

Randy nuzzled his face against Julian's shoulder. His voiced strained by the lump in his throat, he continued to blurt out all that was on his mind. "Every time I look at you, I remember every time I wonked up and almost got somebody killed."

"You don't have to think about that," Julian said in a hushed, soothing tone. "It's all in the past; everyone is safe now."

"I know, but I can't forget it, no matter how hard I try to. It makes me so anxious and I've told Howard about it but he doesn't even try to understand and…I just hate it."

"I understand. I'm deeply sorry for Howard's apathy."

"This morning, Howard said I was like Lennie because I'm an idiot."

Julian seemed to be a bit perturbed by those words, his grip on Randy tightening. "Frankly, I wouldn't use that word to describe Lennie. You do share some traits with the character though, in that you're quite strong and you have a big heart."

Randy was feeling so many different things. Never before had anyone been so good to him, saying such sweet things he knew Howard would never say. He liked hearing those things. He liked being held like this. He never thought he would ever be in this position with Julian, but he found himself enjoying it.

He pulled away a little, but he didn't let go. He ran a hand through Julian's hair; it felt so soft.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked quietly.

Julian nodded.

Randy hesitantly pressed his lips to Julian's. It was short and chaste yet powerful. It felt warm and sweet and Randy loved every second of it.

Howard would lose his cheese if he found out about this. But Randy didn't care about that. Right now, all of his focus was on Julian.

They pulled away, letting their foreheads touch again. Julian was smiling a little, his whole face reddened. Randy felt pretty warm himself; he was feeling a lot of different things. He couldn't quite name them, but he knew he was enjoying the sensations.

"Well, I suppose it would be hard to focus on our assignment," Julian chuckled nervously. "Shall we rest for another moment?"

Randy nodded, smiling for the first time since this morning. "Okay."

They moved the books and papers aside and lay down on the bed. They held each other as if their lives depended on it. Randy could feel Julian's face against his hair, and he felt completely at ease for the first time in months.

The sun was starting to set by the time they collected themselves and began to work on their assignment. They managed to get seven questions done. Randy ended up staying for dinner, and Julian's parents were nice to him. He enjoyed himself greatly and he wanted to stay longer, but he knew his own parents would get worried if he wasn't back before nightfall. He left right after the meal, though not without Julian sending him off with one more peck on the lips.

Randy didn't feel guilty about anything anymore. He felt liberated from all of the negativity that was holding him back. Things between him and Julian would definitely be different from now on, and he would have to hide it from Howard until things cooled down a bit. Randy didn't mind any of it though. He didn't mind one bit.

He was happy, and Julian was happy. And for now, that was all that mattered.


	5. He Remembered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally written for Ninjavember Day 11: Land of Shadows. Takes place some time after high school. Julian remembers the Land of Shadows.

When Julian was alone, he remembered the Land of Shadows.

He remembered the murky yellow sky that loomed over the whole dimension. It was a sickening color that gave him nausea at first, but he eventually got used to it. He had to, considering he was stuck with it for months.

He remembered the heavy, musty atmosphere. There had always been an acrid stench in the air, though it never stayed the same. It could smell like spoiled food one day and like a corpse the next. At least, he thought they were days. The shifts in the air's scent ended up being how Julian kept track of time. He had no other option. He had his cellphone, but the battery inevitably died after the first three days. There was no sun, moon, or change in light and darkness. There was only the noxious atmosphere.

He remembered hearing monsters' roars in the distance. He was grateful that they were all far away, unable to get ahold of him. He would see their figures in the distance at times, and they looked like they would not be gentle with him. There were times he thought he saw a woman's figure in the distance as well, but he dismissed her as a mirage.

He remembered Tyler. Sometimes, he swore that stone gargoyle head really was talking to him. Other times, he knew it was his imagination. Or was it? He genuinely couldn't tell by the time he was freed.

He remembered being alone.

Every single second he was in there, he was alone. Sometimes he considered Tyler his companion, but most of the time, he was completely isolated on that floating rock. He longed to see his family and friends again. He hoped that they were okay. He wished they were right next to him, but at the same time, he was glad they weren't. He didn't want them to suffer like this with him.

He remembered giving up.

He thought he would be alone in there forever. An empty world populated only by ferocious creatures would be his eternal prison. He would spend the rest of his life in isolation and there was nothing anyone could-

"Julian?"

He snapped out of his trance. The thoughts of that horrible place ran away in an instant. His attention shifted towards the front doorway of the apartment. Randy was standing there, looking worried.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

Julian stared at him blankly before forcing a smile. "I'm fine, Randall. I was just…thinking."

Randy didn't look convinced; by now, it seemed like he always knew when something was wrong. He sat next to him on the couch and held him close, lightly kissing his hair. Julian sighed, nuzzling against him.

He remembered the day Randy got him to the portal that led to freedom. That was the part of it all he remembered most clearly, because it was the first time he had felt happy in all those months.

He eventually learned it was Randy's fault that he ended up in the Land of Shadows in the first place. But he was also the one who got him out, and either way, Julian didn't have the heart to hold a grudge against someone who had always worked so hard to protect everyone. Besides, these days, Randy made up for all that happened just by staying with him, and that was more than enough.

Every day that passed since the day of his freedom was special to him. Anything the world had to offer him was better than what the Land of Shadows offered to him, and he appreciated all of it. Everything was better, and there were new things for Julian to remember now.


	6. Christmas Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very rushed Christmas story I wrote last night because I was more focused on my Hamilton one shot. :P

It was only five in the morning when Randy stirred awake on Christmas Day.

He woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.  It was too early to go downstairs and open presents.  He didn’t have enough Christmas spirit to barge into his parents’ room to wake them up so they could get started, but he also didn’t want to lay here doing nothing for the next three hours.

  Letting out a groan, he got down from his bunk and pulled his cellphone off the charger on his desk.  No new messages; the most recent one he’d received was Julian’s goodnight text.  He sent to him, “Merry Christmas, Jewel.  You up yet?”  He doubted he’d get answer, but he didn’t care.  He had enough apps to entertain himself in silence for a while.

Then he looked out the window.

It was snowing.  The crystalized flakes were fluttering down slowly to the sea of white on the ground.  The deep, dark blue dawn sky made the whiteness glow in mere contrast.

Randy watched the snow fall.  He was silent, taking in the sight.

The phone rang in his hand.  It was Julian.

He smiled as he answered it. “Hey, baby.”

“Good morning, love.  Merry Christmas.” Julian’s voice had a hint of tiredness to it, yet it was clear in his tone that he was happy.

“Merry Christmas.  Do you see what’s outside?”

“I do.  It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“It really is.  Not as beautiful as you, though.”

Julian giggled on the other end. “I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks.  It’s our first Christmas as a couple.”

“I know, I’ve been excited too.”  Randy put a hand to the window.  It felt chilly, but he didn’t mind.

His eyes were fixed on the peaceful falling snow.  He thought about how in a matter of hours, he and Julian would be together, holding each other in warmth and exchanging kisses under mistletoe.  That alone, he decided, was going to make this the best Christmas ever.


	7. Precious Treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This drabble was for a prompt ask meme on Tumblr. The prompt was "Precious Treasure." Even though this is just hours before Valentine's Day, this has nothing to do with Valentine's (sorry, I wanted to do a shot for it, but I didn't have time). Enjoy.

Julian had always had his hat.

He wore it nearly every single day, as far as Randy could remember.  Even when they first met when they were five, when the hat was so big it hardly even fit the little goth’s head.

Now that they were in high school, it fit perfectly.  But despite knowing each other for so long, Randy never asked what the significance of the hat.  It must had meant a lot to Julian; Randy knew this thanks to the Destankings.

It wasn’t until they had finally become a couple that he finally asked about it.

“My hat?” Julian seemed pretty surprised by the question at first.  They had been lounging on his bed when the subject was approached.

Randy nodded. “Yeah.  I never bothered to ask before.  What’s it about?”

The goth was silent for a moment before smiling gently. “I suppose you can say it is an heirloom of sorts.  It belonged to my great-grandfather.”

“Were you close with him?”

“No, I never got to meet him.  My mother was very close to him, however.  My great-grandmother let her keep it after he had passed on.  I took interest in it when I was small, and she let me wear it.”

Randy looked at the hat intently. “It’s in pretty good condition for something you’ve been wearing for years.”

“Well, Mother and I have become skilled at repairing the wear and tear.” Julian took it off and ran his hand over the soft silk. “It is very precious to me.  Though there is something else that means a lot more.”

Randy raised a brow at that. “What’s that?”

Julian set the hat down and smiled at his boyfriend. “You.”

Randy tensed up and blushed before grinning and leaning in for a kiss.


	8. Break Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was another ask meme prompt. Three in one, actually: Break Away, Insanity, and Cookies. Hopefully I blended them all well.
> 
> Even though this is being posted late on Valentine's (and the prompts happened to be sent by girlfriend), this once again has nothing to do with Valentine's.

He should have known better.

He should have realized that watching that movie would trigger the memories.

He had just been lounging back in bed; he had a horrible headache that morning, and Randy went out to buy groceries on his own. Julian had channel surfed for a while to entertain himself, and eventually stopped on a horror film that looked fairly interesting.  He hadn’t outgrown his interest in all things creepy, and decided to watch. 

But then the movie got to a point when the characters got trapped in another dimension.  A dark dimension full of monsters.  They were alone there and had no idea how to get out.

It was just like the Land of Shadows.

Julian began trembling.  The memories started flooding in.

He shut off the TV.  He grabbed his phone.  He texted Randy, “COME HOME.”

He set the phone back and dug his fingers into his hair.

He felt his heartbeat accelerating.  It got harder to breath.  Suddenly he felt a lot warmer, and he could detect a faint, acrid stench in the air. It felt almost as if he were back at that horrible place again…

He started to slip into that state of mind, of feeling like a helpless little child.  It was a typical reaction to trauma, or to remember trauma, for him.  He remembered being like this when he nearly got killed when trying to get the Golden Doctor’s Note during freshman year, and then several times during his time in the Land of Shadows.  Thankfully, nothing that bad had happened to him since then.  But when he remembered those dark times…

He curled up into a ball.  “J-Julian want a little snacky…” he whimpered to no one but himself.  He slipped his thumb into his mouth and lay there idly.

He remained in that trance for a while, unsure for just how long.  Even when Randy loudly kicked the door open and slammed it behind him in a frenzy. He hadn’t even realized his boyfriend had returned for another several minutes.  He finally broke out of the trance then.  He found himself Randy’s arms, hearing him hush him and saying over and over that it was going to be okay.  He felt like himself again, realizing he wasn’t in that horrible place anymore.  He was at home, with the man he loved.

“R-Randall…” Julian said weakly.

“Shh,” Randy cooed, cupping his face in his hands, wiping away tears he hadn’t even realized were there. “You’re okay.  You’re okay now.”

“I…I’m okay,” Julian choked out.  He nuzzled against him, feeling him hold him closer.

They stayed like that for a while.  After that, they snacked on some cookies Randy had picked up from the store.  Julian lightly nibbled at his, feeling his boyfriend holding his hand the whole time.  His grip felt tight and warm and secure.  Julian was grateful, tightly holding onto that contact.  He didn’t want to slip into that state of mind again.  But he was assured by the fact that if he ever did, Randy would be there to break him out.


	9. Tummy Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian gets a stomach ache. Randy takes it upon himself to make him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is dedicated to mantislady from Tumblr! She didn’t request this, she’s just really cool. She loves Juliandy and hates Howard; tbh that’s all it really takes to be a Super Bruce Ninjafan in my book. Not to mention she’s a fantastic artist, is a fan of Moonbeam, and has been so incredibly nice to me and my girlfriend! I hopes she likes this~  
> This is technically the first kink oriented story (containing: belly aches, belching, belly rubs) so if anyone wants to skip this one that’s perfectly fine. It’s not nsfw though.

It had been a pretty good date night. Randy and Julian had a satisfying dinner at PJ McFlubbuster's. Julian especially enjoyed it; Randy used to go there all the time with Howard before their long anticipated fall out, but the goth was far more used to formal foods. When his boyfriend took him out to the famed restaurant, he was so excited. He allowed himself to try all sorts of foods he knew that his parents would most likely faint at the sight of.

Everything was pretty chill after that. Or at least, it seemed that way at first.

They had walked to Randy's house later in the evening without much incident. But then just a few steps away from the destination, Julian abruptly stopped in place. Randy turned and saw him; the goth was clutching his stomach, a look of discomfort upon his face.

"You okay, babe?" Randy asked with concern.

Julian seemed somewhat hesitant to reply. "Y-Yes, I…I'm fine, love."

Randy was unconvinced. He gently took his boyfriend's hand and led him inside.

They sat together in the living room. They turned on the television, but neither of them paid attention to what was on. Julian was clearly uncomfortable, and Randy couldn't keep his eyes off him.

Then he heard the sounds.

A rumble. A groan.

Julian started to curl in on himself, grimacing.

Randy's eyes widened in concern. "Honey?"

Letting out a whimper, Julian looked at Randy. "I…I believe our meal isn't exactly settling-" Before he could finish, he was cut off by a loud shaking burp.

The sudden sound made Randy flinch, nearly falling off the couch.

Just then Julian's face turned completely red. He covered his face with his hands. "I-I-I'm sorry! That was so rude, I-" He was interrupted by another quaking belch, this one louder than the last. His stomach let out another loud rumble, and he let out a pained moan.

"Shh, it's okay," Randy said hurriedly. He gently pulled Julian closer to him, laying him down on his lap.

Julian's face was flushed as tears of embarrassment wet his face. Randy wiped them away before moving his hand down to Julian's bloated belly. He started to rub it gently in slow soothing circles. Julian moaned again, but this time he sounded a little relieved. He soon let out a content sigh, a small smile gracing his face, despite the rumbling sounds coming from his stomach. Randy smiled too, leaning forward to kiss his forehead.


	10. Pinned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Randy pins Julian against a wall in attempt to be bolder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was for a writing prompt ask meme on Tumblr. The prompt was one pinning the other against the wall.

Randy thought it was a good idea at the time.

He felt that he was becoming softer and softer ever since he and Julian finally started dating. More secrets, deeper ones far beyond being the Ninja, had come out, as well as emotions he had done his best to hide. He found himself crying a lot more, and Julian being there for comfort. Randy was glad for this at first, as he was being provided something Howard had outright denied him before. But then his insecurities started getting the better of him; he started feeling more afraid of becoming weaker.

Howard, somehow, caught wind of this. Maybe he was hoping for it, knowing him. Despite not having talking to his former "best friend" in several months, he still felt the need to plant this little seed of doubt in Randy's mind- "You're slipping up, Cunningham. It always seemed like Julian wanted a manly man; he always seemed like that _type_. Looks like you two don't have much time left together."

That scared Randy deeply.

So he studied hard; he rewatched every movie Brock Octane, the manliest person he knew, had starred in that featured a romantic interests. He paid close attention to everything he did with the women in those movies; he always started with a bold move, pinning the girl against a wall. After that, an abrupt strong kiss. Then for the rest of those movies, Brock and the girl would exchange witty banter with each other, teasing yet still getting along fine.

Randy knew not to believe everything he sees in movies and stuff, but this seemed down to earth just enough to give it a shot.

So, on what was a regular Thursday morning, Randy followed through with it.

He pinned Julian against the wall by the bathroom, ten minutes before homeroom. The halls were starting to clear out, so there wasn't much of an audience. Randy was relieved for that, since there wouldn't be anyone there to see him mess up.

Julian looked shocked. He looked at Randy with a big, wide eyed gaze. "Randall…" he said softly.

Randy smirked. So far, so good.

He went for the kiss. Strong. Passionate. A little bit of tongue action.

When he pulled away, he saw that Julian's expression remained unchanged. He still looked at him wide eyed. Randy figured he must have been surprised to see him being so bold. His silence was concerning to him, however. Why wasn't he saying anything?

Randy didn't know what else to do besides kissing him again, a little calmer this time. He kissed him over and over, desperate for some change in reaction. Julian was liking this, right? He had to be, he just had to be…

"Randall…" the goth cried out breathlessly between kisses, "R-Randall, you're scaring me…"

Randy wasn't expecting that response at all.

He quickly pulled back and unpinned Julian. He started trembling. "I…I'm sorry, I…"

"No, no, don't feel bad," Julian said softly, gently taking Randy's hands. "This is just out of character for you. What has come over you, dear?"

"I…I just wanted to be…manlier."

"Why?"

"Howard said that you want-"

Julian rolled his eyes. "That explains it," he sighed. He cupped Randy's face in his hands. "Randall, I do not want some macho guy. I want you."

"But haven't I changed? Haven't I gone soft? I've been crying a lot more lately and…" Randy averted his eyes, looking down at the floor.

Julian signed. "I'm glad that you have been more emotional as of late. I know you couldn't express them with Howard. I don't want you bottling up your feelings. I will always be open to comfort you, no matter what, and I will never think any less of you."

Randy looked up at his face again and saw him smiling sweetly. And that made Randy smile. "You mean that?"

"Of course. Although…" Julian's expression suddenly turned more flirty, "I must admit, I have always been a bit excited by the prospect of us being in a position as compromising as that."

Randy blushed, silent for a beat. Then he raised a brow mischievously, leaning in for a kiss. "Oh, really?"

Julian giggled as well, granting him only a peck. "Yes, but not now. We have to go to advisory now. But perhaps we can arrange something after school."

Randy gave him a pouting expression, which got him another short, chaste kiss. They both grinned and laughed quietly as they held hands and made their way towards their homeroom.


	11. A Reminder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The littlest touches go a long way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thing for the ask meme. Also for my girlfriend.   
> This one is fluffier than the rest.

Randy loved sitting with Der Monster Klub.

It was such a more pleasant experience than being stuck in a table with Howard, even if it had been what was considered the best table in the cafeteria.  With the Klub, he only had to pay for his own meal, he didn’t have to worry about getting his food taken, and everyone was nice to him.  The location may not have been as a favorable of a location as Shrangri-Lunch, but as far as Randy was concerned, the Klub’s table was the best in the cafeteria.

The fact that he was dating Julian didn’t make him bias…or at least not too much.

Although, one little snag was that Randy was still somewhat of an outsider compared to the rest of the group.  Though the group were very kind to him, most of their interests vastly differed from his.  So on days where they didn’t play their personalized game and just spent the period eating and talking, he found himself being the most withdrawn one.

But then Julian would adjust his position, having it so his feet were lightly touching Randy’s.  Randy would feel this, and would instantly feel better.  It was an incredibly subtle gesture, but it was enough to remind him that he was wanted and accepted there.


	12. Feverish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian has a fever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY REMEMBER HOW I WROTE A THING FOR MANTISLADY FROM TUMBLR WELL IT’S HER BIRTHDAY AND I FOUND OUT ON SUPER SHORT NOTICE SO HERE’S THIS QUICK LITTLE THING BASED ON A THING SHE DREW ONCE I HOPE SHE LIKES IT

Julian hated being sick.

He was stuck in bed with a fever.  Aside from feeling from feeling nearly unbearably hot, his head was pounding and his stomach was churning.  He was so uncomfortable, but even more than that, he hated being stuck at home all day.  His parents had both taken a day off to take care of him, and that did nothing but made him feel like a burden, especially when he felt that he was more than capable of taking care of himself.  At least that’s what he thought, until he realized that the heat and aches were too much for him to even go down to the kitchen for a glass of water. 

Julian felt completely miserable.  His eyes had been filled with tears for most of the day, from both the fever and from utter sadness. 

But then he heard his door creaked open.  He slowly turned over in bed to see who it was, expecting to see his mother or his father.  But standing there at his door was _Randy_.  He was looking right at him, a sweet, sympathetic smile.

The goth wasn’t sure how to react to his boyfriend’s presence.  On one hand, he didn’t want to be seen in this weak, pitiful condition.  But on the other hand, he was instantly _desperate_ for his comfort.

Randy must have been wanting to comfort him as well, as he was soon making his way towards the bed, sitting down on the edge.  Julian used what little strength he had to make his way over to him, resting against him, letting out of soft whimper.

Randy ran a hand through the goth’s hair. “How’re you feeling, Jules?”

“Horrible,” Julian choked out in a cracked voice than nearly sounded like a sob.

Randy sighed, moving closer to his boyfriend and pulling him close. “You’re gonna be fine,” he whispered.  He held him tightly, kissing his forehead. 

Julian let out another whimper, nuzzling against Randy’s neck.  They stayed like that for a while, and soon the goth found himself smiling ever so slightly.

He was finally feeling a little better.


	13. Small

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicidal thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important updates after the story

He always felt so small.

Technically, he wasn’t physically small. On the outside, he was one of the taller, more athletically built ninth graders.

But beyond that, he was much too small.

Too small to be worth his parents’ attention.

Too small to be noticed by his classmates.

The only one who saw more to him, or at least acted like it, was Howard. But even still, there were times Randy’s best friend made him feel even smaller. The times that he demanded he buy him everything at all times. The times he yelled at him over circumstances beyond his control. The times he hit him and…

Of course, there was the fact he was the Ninja.

But what difference did that make? Everyone saw the Ninja as the Ninja. They didn’t know who was beneath the mask. And if they did, would they still see the hero they’ve loved for so long? Or would they turn away in disgust and anger?

The Ninja was huge. Randy Cunningham was miniscule.

And that was why he was standing on the school roof now.

He left the mask and the Nomicon at home that day. With the Sorcerer gone and with McFist at peace, there was no need for those anymore.

He simply stood at the edge. The late spring sunlight burned his face.

He wasn’t planning on jumping. Truth be told, he wasn’t entirely sure what drove him to come up here, aside from just wanting to get the hell away from Howard. All he knew for sure was that, if he happened to slip and fall, he wouldn’t mind one bit.

Then he suddenly heard footsteps behind him. His body tensed up. He had left the door propped open since it was locked from the outside. He didn’t expect anyone else to come up here.

Best case scenario, it was Slimovitz or a teacher, there to remind him how dangerous it was to be alone on the roof and that he had detention or whatever. Worst case scenario, it was Howard.

He turned around, and the dark colors that filled his vision filled him with both relief and surprise. “Julian?”

Julian seemed just as surprised, his hands clasped together being pressed against his chest. “Randall. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I just came to, uh…think. I guess.” That was more or less the truth, at least.

“Hmm. I suppose I came to do the same.”

“I thought you’d be eating with your Klub right now.”

“Normally, yes. But at the moment, I just wanted a little alone time to clear my head. I don’t mind you being here, though.” Julian walked up closer and sat down next him, his legs dangling over the edge.

The sight made Randy’s anxiety shoot up. He knew Julian wouldn’t jump; the boy had so much to live for, far more than what Randy had. But still, why was he so close to the ledge. Randy sat down next to him. It made his stomach churn and throb and his hands start to shake a little bit. He exhaled heavily. He wasn’t sure what Julian was going to do, or even what _he_ was going to do.

The two sat in silence for a while. The only sound was the breeze gusting through their hair. Randy glanced at his classmate next to him. Julian’s silky dark hair still looked perfect as the wind was messing with it. Watching stimulated Randy’s mind as he was thinking about why exactly he came here in the first place.

“Hey, Julian?”

“Yes?”

“Is there a word for when you like…you don’t wanna die, but you don’t really wanna be alive either?”

“I’ve always just called that living.”

“…Same.” Randy hesitated for a moment before he decided to ask another question.” “Do you ever feel…small? Like your existence doesn’t matter and if you were gone, no one would care?”

“Sometimes, I must admit. I know my friends and family care about me. But sometimes I…sort of forget. Do _you_ ever feel that way?”

“Only all the time.” Randy knew his parents loved him and cared about him; they were just too busy with their jobs and constant arguing to consistently show it. Aside from them, the only person was Howard. He was his best friend. Of course he cared…Right?

Would someone who cared always demand him to cater to their every want and need? Would someone who cared yell at him over every small mistake? Would someone who cared treat his responsibilities, _which he never even asked for in the first place_ , as a burden that was all his fault?

No.

That person didn’t care.

Howard didn’t care.

Frankly, Randy always knew that. He just didn’t want to admit it. What could he do without Howard? He’d be alone without him. He’d be so small on his own. No one would be able to see him. He may as well not exist at all.

His eyes burned with tears. He wanted to blame it on the wind blowing into his eyes, but he knew that wasn’t the cause at all.

The he felt Julian put his hand on top of his own. He looked Julian in the eye. His eyes showed sadness and understanding, but he also had a comforting smile.

“You know you do matter to some people,” he said. “Remember that. For me.”

Randy took a deep breath. “I’ll try.”

They both sat down on the edge and stayed there for the rest of the school day. Randy felt Julian lay his head on his shoulder. He didn’t stop him; in fact, it made him feel more comfortable.

Maybe, when they were together like this, he felt a little bit bigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh I started this as a vent fic a several months ago (the fact that “late spring sunlight” is mentioned indicates how old this…) when I was going through a rough time but I’m better now. I just finished it because I needed to post SOMETHING to update this…as soon as possible.
> 
> OKAY SO
> 
> Some…changes have had to be made around here. Because I've changed. The people in my life have changed. And the people I once considered the most important people in my life have changed.
> 
> I’ve deleted the NSFW chapters from this collection. They were completely inappropriate and disgusting, and I never should have written them. I had fallen in with the wrong crowd and they convinced me some things were okay to write about when they really weren’t. I’m no longer connected with those people and I got rid of those chapters permanently: even the Word Docs I wrote them on are gone. I changed the rating back to T. It’s gonna stay on T. Every story in this collection is gonna be SFW. No exceptions. I feel terrible that this ever happened. Please don’t call me out or whatever; I apologize for what I have done, I’ve learned my lesson, I acknowledge that it was wrong and that it was my fault for listening to those horrible people in the first place, and I’ll never do it again. 
> 
> Also I'm turning on comment moderation because I'm paranoid about those people finding this fic and commenting on these changes.
> 
> With that of the way, I also have to clarify that I don’t plan on updating this collection often. I’ll probably scribble up something for it once in a blue moon. I still adore RC9GN with all my heart (even though in retrospect, it’s…terrible), but my heart is being drawn towards other interests. I also really need to focus on my Camp Camp fic because my friends are really invested in that ones. And also I need to finish the hanahaki story because I have no excuse to be taking this long on a fic that was only supposed to be five chapters long. Also, don’t ask about Moonbeam. It will be updated. Eventually.
> 
> Also I’m starting school in like two days and I’m taking a ton of classes this semester so don’t expect lots of updates for any story anytime soon.


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